On some level, most of us understand that there are more important things in life than money. But it can be hard to keep things in perspective when your neighbour is splashing thousands on their reno or regularly dashing away to their holiday home in Europe.
The occasional twinge of jealousy might be nothing to worry about, but if it’s turned into a constant hum of resentment then it’s certainly worth unpacking. Here are a few things that might help if you find you’ve been bitten by the green eyed monster.
Identify the type of envy you’re experiencing
The first thing to acknowledge is that while envy might feel shameful, it’s a perfectly natural emotion that everyone experiences from time to time. What’s important is the kind of envy you’re feeling, as well as how you’re motivated to deal with it.
Psychologists distinguish between two types of envy — malicious and benign. Malicious envy is typically directed at another person and often takes hostile forms, such as the belief that their successes are undeserved or a desire to see them lose out in some way.
Benign envy, on the other hand, is directed more so towards the object a person possesses rather than the person themselves. The feelings it produces are often quite harmless, and tend to centre on a desire to achieve similar successes rather than bring someone else down.
Give social media a break
It pays to be mindful of things that might be exacerbating our envy, and social media can be an obvious culprit. Overexposure to the lifestyles of people wealthier than us can distort our view of the world and stir up feelings of inadequacy, and those feelings can get worse the longer we scroll through our feeds.
Sometimes, the solution can be as simple as limiting your social media usage. That doesn’t have to mean deleting all your accounts — you might choose to simply unfollow certain pages, set daily limits, or even take the occasional week-long social media break.
It can also help to remind yourself that you’re looking at people’s highlight reels, not their behind-the-scenes. Most people curate their social media profiles to depict only what they want the rest of the world to see. Meanwhile, the mundane and unglamorous reality is kept strictly out of view.
Remember that you may be seeing only half the picture
That brings us to an important point: whether you find yourself envying a personal acquaintance or a public figure, it pays to remember that you’re only getting part of the picture, and for all you know the rest isn’t so pretty.
If your neighbour pulls into their driveway with an expensive new car, it can be tempting to take their wealth at face value. But buying that car might have required working weekends and sacrificing time with family and friends. There’s even a chance they can’t actually afford it and are being stretched thin trying to keep up with loan repayments.
The point is that we rarely stop to fill in the blanks, and when we do it’s often with the explanations that are most flattering to the subject of our envy. Try to acknowledge that there are always details you won’t be privy to, and that the possessions someone owns are by no means a guarantee that they’re happy.
Use it as motivation
In its own crude way, financial envy points towards something we desire but currently lack. So one way to prevent it from getting the best of you is to channel it into something more productive.
Here, it’s helpful to recall the difference between malicious envy and benign envy — instead of giving in to personal resentment or dwelling on whether or not someone deserves a particular object or lifestyle, try to focus on how you might be able to attain those things yourself.
It’s also worth mentioning that while the root of our envy is often plainly obvious, sometimes the true source isn’t so clear and we have to do a little soul searching to uncover it. For example, the envy you feel over someone’s home might stem from a lack of security, or perhaps even a belief that you’re falling short in your role as a provider.
If that’s the case, you might be better off addressing those deeper worries, rather than trying to match or one-up those around you. Here’s where speaking to a loved one, close friend or therapist might help.
