If your elderly mum or dad seem to be struggling to support themselves at home, it might be time to summon the courage and start a discussion about aged care.
Here are a few questions to ask them to get the ball rolling.
“How is your social life? Are you seeing family and friends as much as you’d like?”
Loneliness can impact your parent’s well-being in more ways than one.
Along with the increased risk of anxiety and depression, it can act as kindling for a variety of adverse physical conditions, such as high blood pressure, heart disease, and a weakened immune system.1
If your parent is no longer seeing friends or seems to be neglecting their hobbies and interests, ask why that is. It could be that they still crave social interaction but just need a little push. If so, the solution might involve driving them to appointments, helping them find local hobby groups, or simply arranging to visit more often.
If it’s more of a community atmosphere they want, ask if they’d like your help exploring residential aged care options. While it’s a big step, it can give them a chance to connect with new people, go on regular outings, and participate in activities they might find enriching.
“Do you have any concerns around your health?”
This question might be confronting as it throws your parent’s mortality into the spotlight, but it’s essential to understanding their needs. Discuss any existing health conditions and the medications they take for them, as well as what type of care they’d prefer if they become seriously ill.
The conversation can also extend to any safety concerns they have living at home. Many elderly people prefer to stay put but are worried that they’ll suffer an injury due to frailty or difficulty getting around. Fortunately, there are plenty of ways to address this, like sticking non-slip strips in the bathroom and installing grab bars and ramps throughout the home.
Having these conversations can help your parent realise that some form of aged care might be necessary, whether it’s something as minor as making their home more accessible and hazard-free, or something more.
“How are you managing cooking, cleaning and personal care?”
When it comes to household and personal upkeep, you might not need to talk to your parents to get a sense of how they’re coping. If their home, hygiene or personal appearance are being neglected, it will be immediately apparent. But even if there aren’t any obvious signs, it’s worth bringing up the topic in case your parent is secretly struggling.
It might turn out that their needs are fairly manageable, in which case you could recruit a few family members to pitch in with things like shopping and preparing meals. But if your schedules don’t allow it or your parent’s needs exceed what you all can offer, it might be time to look into getting professional help.
Setting the scene
Starting a conversation about aged care is likely to bring up plenty of emotions — stress, guilt, uncertainty — and if your parents feel their dignity or independence is at stake they might deny they need any help whatsoever.
This is why it’s a good idea to bring up the topic sooner rather than later. It’s common for ageing parents to downplay the extent of their care needs, and by planting the seed early on you can help them come to terms with their vulnerability and hopefully become more open to help.
If your mum or dad isn’t keen on the idea of residential aged care, look for ways to dispel some of their anxieties, like arranging a tour at the local aged care facility or speaking to some of the residents. It might also help to remind them that that aged care goes beyond live-in facilities and includes services that can make it easier to “age in place” — that is, remain in their home.
Of course, you’ll have to be tactful in how you bring up these topics. Before you start, make sure your parent isn’t in a prickly mood, and try to create a safe place for them to express thoughts, feelings and concerns so you can navigate any resistance and find a solution that works for them.
